How to grow and heal together as a couple

spirituallove

This post is the reverse to this post.  So I’m hearing from you that you facing the situation, that you want to heal and grow together with your partner in your relationship! How wonderful. For me this is always the way I wanted to grow and live.

Mirrors

People who are close to us reflect us like mirrors. What do I mean with this? It’s just so so much easier and the human tendency to blame someone else, to point on someone else’s „mistakes“ because you can see it so much clearer on him and in his life instead of facing your own true shit. When we’re very close involved in the story (and we all are in our own!) we don’t have the luxury of objectivity. But when we’re not (directly) involved, we can see pretty clearly that the other one has flaws, still finds herself in daydreams about her exboyfriend or is just to fucking afraid to leave her workplace behind.

But one thing you can be sure of is the other one is always, always a reflection of yourself.

So when you understand the law of attraction, you understand that the other one is your mirror. So this is the first step, whenever you want to judge him or her, think of the fact that it is part of your story too and judging is never going to bring you the results you want to have. Step up in your own game of self responsibility, babe!

 

Embrace change together!

I’ve been growing with my partner since 4 years, we’re entering our 5th year and I love him more than I could ever explain. He’s the best! What I can tell you is that I am for sure not the same person today, as I was back in the days. We both changed and healed and grew so much and I believe this is only possible if you do it together as a team. I can tell that growing together is not always easy but when you faced a tough time, you sure rock out of it and grow stronger only by going together to some of these things! When we met I was this young super tough and self conscious girl who loved nothing more than her own personal freedom and looking sexy as fuck. But after some time I felt who I really was, I left my job behind, took a summer off, relied 100 % on him on every aspect of life.

Yeah sometimes (I hope everyday for you!) you just decide to go with your heart and trust life. I did trust him. From the first moment I saw him.

 

Your partner is your catalyst

When you grow together it is so much faster than doing it all alone. The other one brings stuff out of you, you wish you forgot and when he or she points on your wounds and you are able to heal them, you can go on in life so much freer and flowing. For all my minimalistic friends out there, I believe to clean out our inner mess is as well part of a minimalistic lifestyle! Isn’t it? 🙂

So what do I mean by catalyst? The other one sees you in situations no one else does, he/she feels you in dark moments, brings out the best and sometimes the worst of you! That’s what it’s all about but the effect it has when you decide to heal your inner shit together. You do not only have someone to talk to about your inner stuff, but the other one does also provoke a whole lot of feelings in you and that’s gooood – yes of course this can be intense! but it is so liberating when you’re all honest with each other.

When I first met husband, I was fucking afraid. I thought I must run away because all these feelings I felt for him, scared me to death. I wanted so so much a real connection, a true love and a family as well but I was scared as shit! And when he said to me

„Young lady, you know I either want you with all that you are, or noooot at all. I’m not here for a quick fuck!“

I was on one hand still scared to death, but on the other hand I saw a man with heart and balls and with that I mean commitment. He was committed to go through all of it with me! He wanted me or no one else. He did not only like my botty. He came to stay and I believe it was one of the moments were I began to knew I wanted him too! So yes he brought my fear of relationship (which I then had) up but he also helped me transform it into all that we have now and that’s what I call soulmate love!

 

Compassionate healing

In my life I am learning to love patience and if you ask my hubby, he sure will tell you I am still learning 😀 Ha! Sometimes I’m like „Yo I have a problem, can we fix this like yesterday?“ I used to be so stressed about things but now I’m learning to embrace every phase and also not stress my own growth and healing. Things take time. Can we all be compassionate with each other?  Don’t point with the finger on your partner – better ask him if he/she needs a hug! Stay commited, stay grounded, give each other time and love and try to stay open. Don’t see it as affront to you – when people are facing tough situations it can be wild for them, they sometimes need a break or a hug or just a minute – try to be as supportive as you can. Also do not hesitate to ask your partner if and how you can help his/her journey.

 

The vision

Relationship goals. Visions. Ideas. Not necessarly about having children or getting married. But what is your vision? Are you travelling together the world? Are you here to make other lives better? What’s your vision as a couple? A new appartment? Renovate an old house? Writing a book together? We have many dreams and goals and to make other lives better is sure on top. Also to live more in the now and to raise a happy healthy family. Also do we want to help each other learn new things. Maybe Italian or Surfing. Or better Cooking. We want to live abroad and catch as many sunrises as possible.

 

Let go of the past

One of my favorite topics. But it’s just my truth. In order to live in happy fulfilling relationships we need to let go of our exboyfriends, exgirlfriends, mom’s who sometimes come in the way or even dads! By clearing our relationship with them, we give our new partner lots of space which he/she deserves! Be honest and face your true connection which your ex, which may or may not still be part of you. There are several ways to clean the relationship. I suggest you burn into fire all the bad emotions which are still locked in your body or maybe you want to say thank you to an ex, whatever is meaningful to you! But acting like it’s all done is not fair. Always more love!

Thank you for suggesting topics! If you want more on love – here’s my ebook and if you have more ideas on what you would like me to write – Anytime – come on over and write me at deborah@shkodra.ch! I’m always always always happy to read from you!

Picture found here

so much love, D.

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